Best Funny Quotes
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
Anonymous
I’m running out of places to hide the bodies! Don’t piss me off…
A man’s got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
Ernest Hemingway
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That’s why I never take baths.
Steven Wright.
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
Paul Getty
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we’re really not that different, me and you.
Colin Raye
God made relatives; – Thank God we can choose our friends.
Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts
Jeff Foxworthy
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
Herbert Samuel
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.”
Joan Rivers
No trouble trouble, until trouble trouble you.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
Woody Allen